


Angel Eyes

by Mrs_Castiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Dean and Mental Health Issues, Destiel - Freeform, Doctor Castiel, F/M, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Hella out of character sorry, Human Castiel, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mental Hospital, Mention of Mental Disorders, Mild Smut, OOC, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Possible Character Death, Self-Harm, Slow To Update, Suicide Attempt, Tags May Change, Triggers, trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-16 22:27:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7287199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Castiel/pseuds/Mrs_Castiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Dean Winchester is a patient at a mental hospital and Castiel Novak is his new psychiatrist.<br/>I saw this writing prompt on Tumblr and got inspired, so thank you 'deansurvived'.<br/>-TRIGGER WARNING-<br/>THERE IS MENTION OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, AND MENTAL DISORDERS.<br/>~~~~<br/>Placed almost a decade in the past, Dean Winchester has been locked up in a mental hospital for 15 years with no signs of ever living a normal life in the real outside world. That is of course until his psychiatrist Doctor Singer mysteriously passes away in his sleep and a young, gorgeous, Doctor Castiel Novak shows up to take his place. When he realizes this job isn't quite what he signed up for, he meets Dean, and everything changes for the both of them. And when Doctor Novak finds out Singer may have been a quack... It's all he can do not to play detective, but what he finds is something he's not prepared to deal with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ten Years Gone

 

Fire and smoke. Everywhere. All around me. It's hard to breathe. 

"Dean!" I hear my dad call.

I roll off my bed, still half awake, and pull my arm around my face. It's really hard to breath.

"Dad?" I call out, tears forming in my eyes. 

"Dean!" Dad rushes into my room, holding my crying baby brother in his arms. He shoves him into my tiny arms, and I hold him tightly to my chest. 

"Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Don't look back! Now Dean, go!" He screams at me. 

I do as he says, and run down the stairs, out the front door and onto the lawn. 

"It's okay Sammy," I whisper to my brother. 

I look up at the house, now engulfed in flames. 

Dad stumbles out the front door and over to Sam and me. He picks us up, and runs from the house. 

**~~~~~**

Once we're sitting on our neighbors lawn, the firefighters working to put out the fire at our house, I look up at my dad, who is next to me, his chin resting on his knees, arms wrapped around his legs hugging them to his chest.

"Where's mom?" I hear my four year old self ask. 

But I already know. 

"Where's mommy?" I hear myself ask again when he doesn't answer. I'm crying now. 

He suddenly turns to me. His eyes are a bright yellow. He smiles at me and starts laughing. 

"She's dead!" He laughs. 

My eyes widen, and I scream. I try to scoot away from him, but he grabs my foot and drags me toward him. I'm no longer holding Sam, in fact I have no clue where he is. 

My father is suddenly standing over me, a knife in his hand.

"She's dead, and she's never coming back." He raises the knife and-

A loud banging on the door of my room startles me awake. 

I slowly peel open my eyes to allow them to adjust to the light. The retched, single, bright florescent light, hanging on the ceiling. 

"Winchester and Fitzgerald, roll call." I hear the orderly bark from the doorway. 

I incoherently mumble something that resembles an "okay" and roll over, closing my eyes again. 

"Now!" The orderly yells.

This time I immediately stand up, and move to the edge of my bed. Once both my roommate and I are standing at the ends of our beds, the ward assistant nods in approval, and moves on to the next room.

A minute or so goes by before an unfamiliar man appears in the doorway. He's holding a clipboard, and is writing something down. 

"Winchester?" He asks quietly.

"That's me." I respond, raising my hand slightly. 

He glances up from the clipboard, his eyes meeting mine. He is fucking hot. Gorgeous actually. Bright blue eyes, rectangle forehead, round face, scruff on his jaw, slight cleft chin, and black hair that is slicked back with an absurd amount of gel, a few strands out of place, hanging over his forehead... He stares at me for what feels like forever, but breaks away when my roommate clears his throat.

"Uh..." The man stutters, "Fitzgerald?" He looks over at the young boy standing on the other side of the room. 

"Garth." He mutters. 

"I'm Doctor Novak. The old psychiatrist, Doctor Singer, passed away last night in his sleep, so all of his patients have been assigned to me. Including you two." He points at us with his pen. 

My head falls, and I hear myself whisper a weak, "No..." Dr. Singer has been my doctor since dad and Sam dropped me off at the hospital 15 years ago. 

I remember it all like it was yesterday. Dad couldn't handle mom's death. After she died, dad gathered what he could savage from our house, put us in his '67 Chevy Impala, and we left and never looked back. Dad insisted it was a demon that killed her, but I didn't believe him. He taught Sammy and me how to shoot guns and 'hunt monsters.' I thought he was crazy, and I told him I wanted to live a normal life. Go to school, live in a house, get a normal job. The stubborn asshole dropped me off here, and told them I was the crazy one. He told them I was the one who believed in monsters. They decided it was my 'way of coping with the loss.' 

At first, I hated Doctor Singer. He decided I had PTSD, depression, and a mild version of panic disorder. But with time, I grew to love him. I talked to him everyday, about everything. He was always so understanding. He didn't think I was crazy, maybe thought I had a mental disorder or two, but never crazy. 

I wipe a few tears off my face and look up at Doctor Novak. He gives me a sympathetic look and says, "You're schedules will stay the same, the only thing that changes is you'll come see me instead of Doctor Singer, so I'll see you, Dean, at noon, and you Garth at..." He checks his clipboard, "One thirty." He gives us a weak smile before leaving. 

Garth looks over at me and puts a hand on my shoulder. 

I look at him and he smiles, "I'm sorry man..." 

That's probably the longest sentence he's ever spoken to me. 

I roll my eyes, and walk over to my bed, sitting on the edge of it. God what I would give to go back to sleep. One of the many shitty things about living in a mental institution? Having to wake up at 5:00 AM. We only get to sleep in, (A whole two hours!) on the weekends, unless a code one breaks out, or we have a spontaneous roll call.

I reach over to the small shelving unit next to my bed, and grab a grey sweatshirt. I quickly unfold it and put it on. Another shitty thing about living in a mental institution. It's always freezing. 

After lazily making my bed and putting on my ugly blue slip on shoes, I wait for my nurse to come get me to take me to the bathroom. 

I was put on one-on-one about two years ago when I was found in the bathroom, half dead, laying in a pool of my own blood. I sneaked a plastic fork from the kitchen and, well... 

"Dean!" I hear from the doorway. I look up and see Adam, my nurse, leaning against the door frame, smiling his toothy smile at me. 

I subtly roll my eyes and reluctantly stand up to follow him out of my room. He is, to say the least, annoying, and he is not, at all, subtle about his sexuality. He's constantly hitting on every male he finds attractive, including me. 

"Oooo!" He squeals and looks back at me, as we walk down the corridor to the hygiene wing of the hospital, where the toilets, showers, sinks, baths, etc etc, are located. "Did you see the new shrink? He's so gorgeous. Totally bangable." He winks at me. 

I blush and mutter an, "I know..." under my breath. 

He giggles, "Maybe I'll see if I can't get his number. I wonder if he drinks... OOOO! I wonder if he likes sushi!" 

I suddenly feel jealous. I've forgotten what it's like to be free. I feel angry towards Adam. He shouldn't be talking about Doctor Novak like that. What if he doesn't even swing that way? Without realizing, I ball my hands up into fists, digging my nails into my palms. I take a deep breath and decide it's not worth it. I couldn't have have him even if I wanted him. Wait... What am I thinking? God. I'm not gay. Why do I care so much?

I'm broken from my thoughts when we reach the bathrooms. 

Adam goes to the window where the supplies are kept and is handed my toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, soap, clothes (A stylish outfit, consisting of a plain white tee shirt and blue sweats.) , and a small towel. 

We go into an unoccupied bathroom and he stands in the doorway, holding my things, watching me. 

I grab the soap and hair supplies, and stick it on the small shelf in the shower. There's a half wall, rather than curtains, for privacy, for the shower, that way he can see me, but not all of me, as I shower. When I'm finished, he hands me my towel, sets my clothes on the half wall, and I hand him the soap. I quickly towel myself dry, and get dressed. After brushing my teeth, we take my things back to the supply counter, where they are stored and my clothes are washed. 

And we do this same morning routine, every, single, day. 

When I first arrived I thought it was going to drive me actually crazy, but I eventually got used to it. 

Off to morning meds. Fun! God I hate the medication I'm on. I honestly don't think it's helping any. Sure, the Zoloft helps with my depression, for a few hours, but the rest? They make me feel sick. I'm constantly needing to go to the bathroom, and at times, I feel like I'm going to puke my brains out, but I never do. Doctor Singer didn't believe me, and never adjusted my meds. 

I make a mental note, that I'll have to talk to Doctor Novak and see if he can't do something about it. 

"So are you excited about seeing Sam today? It is Friday..." Adam asks me while we're standing in line. 

"Of course. He couldn't make it last week because of... work... so I haven't seen him in two weeks." Friday was visitation day, and Sammy always came. He would always bring me pie and we'd eat it, while talking about how our weeks were going. He never ceased to come up with some interesting story about how him and dad went on some cool hunting trip and fought some new, crazy monster. 

Dad never once came to see me though. I've come to make peace with it. I couldn't care less. That selfish asshole is the reason I'm here in the first place. 

When we finally reach the front of the line, Doctor Alastair, the pharmacist, hands me a cup of water and my meds in a small plastic cup. 

No. I'm not going to take them, I decide. 

I fish out the Zoloft and take it, but then hand back the rest. 

"Um... Dean, you still have some pills in here," Dr. Alastair tells me.

"I know," I reply, and fold my arms. 

"You need to take them." 

"I don't need to. I don't technically need them to survive," I reply sarcastically. 

But he's not having it, "Winchester, take your damn medicine." 

"No."

He walks around the counter, and reaches out, squishing my cheeks with one hand, and dumping the pills in my mouth with the other.

When I realize what's happening, I push him away from me, and spit the pills out. 

He lunges forward, but I pull my arm back and take a swing at him, hitting him square in the face with my fist. He stumbles back, but when he gains his balance, he punches me in the gut, and I fold over. 

"We have a code one! I repeat! Code one near the pharmacy!" I hear Adam say into his walkie-talkie.

I jump at the doctor, and he falls on his back. I start punching him in the face, but am soon pulled off of him by two large guards. 

"Take him to solitary! And take away his visitation rights for the day!" Alastair barks at Adam. 

A guard holds me, while another forces my meds down my throat before I'm dragged by the guards to solitary in the basement. 

I've only been here once before, for attempting suicide, and I've forgotten how much it honestly sucks. I've watched a couple shows about being in prison, and it is a lot, like it down here. 

I'm shoved inside the room, and the door immediately slides shut behind me. I swivel around and press my hands flat against it, looking through the small sliver of glass, watching the guards walk away. There's no point in even trying to plead with them. They wont listen. I know I screwed up. We're not even allowed to touch other patients, let alone hit a doctor. 

I go to the other side of the room, and lean against the wall, slowly sliding down it until I'm sitting with my legs to my chest. 

It's only now, I realize I never got breakfast. 

"Shit..."

Twenty minutes later, I'm hunched over, dry heaving in the corner. 

Yeah. This really sucks.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N.  
> So... Jesus Christ, this took me way too long to write. If you did happen to stumble across this creation of mine, constructive feedback is appreciated and wanted, and I would love you to death if you shared it with your fellow Destiel shipping friends. :^)  
> I honestly don't know what else to say, other than to ask if anyone knows if the proper term is sneaked or snuck? I looked it up, and apparently sneaked is an actual word? Anyway, thanks for reading!  
> Ten Years Gone - Led Zeppelin


	2. Dark Side of the Moon

"Breathe, breathe in the air

Don't be afraid to care

Leave but don't leave me

Look around and choose your own ground."

I'm softly singing to myself, while laying on my back, staring at the bright, blank, white ceiling. 

After what feels like about four hours of solitude, I found myself extremely bored. I've done everything from yoga, to screaming and pleading for them to let me out of here, to ease the boredom. Eventually I settled on softly singing to myself, and surprisingly it's been working. 

 I wonder what Sammy's doing. He had to already have been in town by now...

The feeling of nausea is sinking back in. I groan and roll over onto my side. What I wouldn't give to get out of here...

Someone must have been listening to my prayers, because I hear a quiet knocking at my door. 

I quickly sit up to see who it is. That was a mistake. I clench my stomach and gag. 

"Fuck me." I mutter. 

"I mean... But we hardly know each other..." I hear from the doorway. 

"Come on. Let's get you back upstairs." 

I look up and see Dr. Novak, standing awkwardly in the door frame. He comes over to me and helps me stand. 

"Thought I was in here for the rest of the day..."

"You can stay if you'd like," he chuckles. 

"No no no, I would not like." 

A few minutes later, we find ourselves standing in awkward silence in the elevator. 

I don't know what to say, but the silence is killing me.

"So... Why'd you come get me...?"

"Huh? Oh, well... Somebody showed up for visiting, and looked extremely disappointed when I told him you couldn't because you were in solitary."

Suddenly I feel extremely guilty. "Doesn't explain why you came and got me out..." 

"You didn't let me finish," he looks back at me and smiles. 

I almost die inside. His smile is so beautiful- wait no. Stop. I don't like dudes. 

The elevator stops with a 'ding' and we step out. 

"Dean!" I hear Sam's voice. 

I smile when I see my not so little, little brother. He gives me a giant hug and claps me on the back a few times. 

"You didn't really think I'd miss our visitation for a date with a lonely white room did you?" Your hair is gettin' long..." 

He chuckles, "It's so good to see you. Sorry I couldn't come last week. Dad and I were in Hawaii. I wouldn't have made it to Kansas in time for visiting hours. We were on a hunting trip and kinda got caught up..."

"It's okay. I'm just glad you're here."   
We let go of each other, and I turn to Dr. Novak. "Thanks Doc..." I rub the back of my neck. 

"Call me Castiel."

"Cas," I smile, "Cool name." 

He blushes, "Thank you. I'll leave you two to your visitation. Dean, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you when you're finished?" With that, he turns on his heel and leaves. 

"Who's that guy?" Sammy asks. 

"The new head shrink. Uh... Doctor Singer passed away in his sleep yesterday."

"I'm really sorry to hear that Dean. That really sucks. I know you really liked him."

"Yeah. I don't wanna talk about it. Let's go sit down. Tell me about your week."

We head over to the seating area and sit down at a table with a checkerboard on it. I start setting up a game while he talks. 

"So get this..."

**~~~~~**

**Two Hours Later**

**~~~~~**

"I'll see you in a week," Sammy smiles sympathetically. 

"Yeah," I smile back as he's leaving, "Oh and don't forget the pie next time!" 

He laughs and turns the corner to the front office to leave. 

I stand up and head to Doctor Novak's office. 

"Dean Winchester! What the hell are you doing out of solitary!?" 

I freeze in place. Uh oh...

"Hey!" Doctor Alistair screams. He catches up to me and grabs my arm, "How the hell did you get out and where the hell is Adam!?"

"What's going on out here?" Castiel appears out of nowhere. He folds his arms and squints at Doctor Alistair. "It is, to my knowledge, staff are not to touch patients unless it is necessary or under extreme circumstances, so it would be wise of you to let go of him. Unless you want me to report you to the state of course."

"That's what you don't get, smartass. This is an extreme circumstance. We've had a patient escape from solitary, and refuse to cooperate when told to do so."

"Escape? I let him out," Novak is now getting extremely impatient with Alistair. 

"You let him out? You do realize he tried to kill me earlier, correct?" 

"I beg to differ," I butt in. 

"Shut up," they both simultaneously say to me. 

Alistair's grip on me tightens and I grimace at the pain. 

"I'm taking him back."

"And I'm telling you not to," Castiel grabs my other hand and pulls me toward him. 

"Boys, boys, no need to fight over me..." 

"Doctors! Get your hands off of that patient!" Charlie, the kind, sassy, red headed orderly barks at them. 

They both let go of me. 

"Alistair! Get back to the pharmacy! You have patients who have been waiting for an hour for their lunch time medication! Castiel, don't you have patients you need to be shrinking?"

Alistair huffs and leaves, but not before turning and yelling, "One day Winchester! One day!" 

I roll my eyes. He's been saying that, whatever it means, since the day I got here. 

"Actually, yes. Come with me Dean." Castiel heads into his office a few doors away. 

"Thanks Charlie. I owe you one," I mutter and follow Doctor Novak into his office. 

"Have a seat," He gestures to the chair in front of his desk, and I do so. 

"Thanks for what you did out there." 

"No problem. Is he usually that...? 

"Asshole-ish? You have no idea."

"Hmm..."

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" I sit back in the big arm chair and bring my feet up, to sit criss-cross beneath me. 

He chuckles, "You sure seem comfortable... Give me a second to find your file."

When he does, he takes a minute writing some things down in it before asking me questions. 

He pulls out a voice recorder and says, "I have to ask you some routine questions, and I'm going to record our conversation while doing so. Do you understand?"

I nod. 

He presses the record button. 

**~~~~~**

**Session 1: Dean Winchester**

  
**Castiel Novak** "The date is Thursday, August 17th, 2007. The time is 12:30 P.M. This is Doctor Castiel Novak speaking. Could you please state your full name?"

  
**D.W.** "Dean Samuel Winchester."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Date of birth?"

  
**D.W.** "January 24th of '79."

  
**Castiel Novak** "That would make you 29 years old, correct?"

  
**D.W.** "Yep."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Do you know why you're in here Dean?"

  
**D.W.** "My old man thinks I'm crazy, and the 'ol doc thought I had PTSD, Panic Disorder, and Depression."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Do you not think so?"

  
**D.W.** "Depressed maybe... But crazy? No."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Could you elaborate please?"

  
**D.W.** "Well... To give it to you short... My dad believes in monsters. I don't. We had a disagreement when I told him I wanted to live a normal life, and the bastard lied to get the staff here to think I believe in monsters."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Do you believe in monsters?"

  
**D.W.** "Hell no."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Do you know how long you've been here Dean?"

  
**D.W.** About 15 years?

  
**Castiel Novak** "Good. Do you have any acquaintances or friends that are patients here?"

  
**D.W.** "If Garth, my roommate counts, sure, but other than him, Charlie the orderly and I are friends. Oh and Adam, my nurse... But no not really."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Okay. How are you feeling currently?"

  
**D.W.** "Hungry."

  
**Castiel Novak** -Audible laughter- "I meant emotionally."

  
**D.W.** "Well..." -White noise- "Happy I guess. I just got to see my brother, which is always nice."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Does he come to see you often?"

  
**D.W.** "Almost every Friday, unless he can't make it because he's hunting with our dad."

  
**Castiel Novak** "It is to my understanding that your mother is deceased. Does your father ever come to visit?"

  
**D.W.** "No. Are we almost done here? I'm starving?" 

  
**Castiel Novak** "Yes, we are almost finished. How does your father not coming to visit you make you feel?"

  
**D.W.** "I couldn't care less."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Last question and you may leave for your lunch. How does my being here in place of your old doctor, Bobby Singer, make you feel?"

  
**D.W.** "I guess you're okay... And I guess I'm okay with it. I'm sad he's gone but... You seem nice so I'm happy about that."

  
**Castiel Novak** "Okay. I suppose that's good enough for one day."

**The recording ends.**

**~~~~~**

"That was easy enough," I stand and stretch. 

Cas is still writing something on a piece of paper in my file. 

"Mhmm..." He mumbles. 

"I'm going to go get something to eat seems how I didn't get breakfast..."

He looks up from the papers, and at me, "By the way, I'm going to talk to my boss, and see if we can't adjust your medication. I really don't think you should be taking what your taking. Also, if Alistair gives you any more trouble, let me know. I'll take care of it." He stands to open the door for me. 

I stare at him for a few seconds. He has the bluest, blue eyes I have ever seen in my life, "Uh... Yeah okay... Thanks," I stutter. 

I leave without another word and bump into Adam in the hallway. 

"Hey! I've been looking for you!" He squeals.

"Heh... You found me..."

 

_Castiel_

"Yes ma'am, I understand, but I really don't think he should be in here! He shows no signs of psychosis or any reason for me to believe he is mentally ill. The only true mental disorder I can see is depression, which certainly doesn't lead me to believe he should be in a mental hospital. With medication, it seems completely controllable and manageable."

There's a long pause on the other end of the phone before my boss speaks up, "I'll look into it Castiel, but for the mean time, work on talking to the other patients and dealing with them. Dean Winchester is on the bottom of my list of priorities at the moment. I'm sorry but it will be at least a week before I can even think about doing anything about it."

"A week is better than nothing. Thank you Meg."

"Now get back to work! I'll talk to you in a week."

I put the phone down and run my fingers through my hair. 

I really don't believe Dean belongs in here. 

Now I have to read through all of the patient files and talk to all of the other patients to make sure the old doctor even knew what he was doing. If Dean shouldn't be in here, how many other patients shouldn't? 

I have got a lot of work to do.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N.  
> Well... Here's part two.  
> I don't have much to say about this one, other than HOLY JESUS CAN I SAY WRITERS BLOCK!? This is total garbage and I am totally okay with it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, constructive feedback is wanted and 110% appreciated!  
> Whale...  
> -Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd


	3. Road to Nowhere

After finding a place to sit in the busy cafeteria, Adam immediately begins giving me the third degree on my session with Doctor Novak.

"So? What happened? I was told you were 'gunna be in solitary all day. What'd the doc want? How is he? Shrinkish-wise? I mean he sure is handsome, but that tells me nothing about how he is as a doctor.... " Adam asks, a mouth full of tuna fish sandwich.

"Well, he brought me up from the depths of hell, let me have visitation with Sammy, asked me a bunch of mumbo jumbo routine questions and here I am. He's alright I guess..." I reply.

"Only alright?" He presses.

"He's not Singer that's for sure." 

"So... Is he better or worse?"

"Look, I don't really know him all that well. Only had the one session with him. He seems like he knows what he's doing and that's all that matters. Maybe he'll even find a way to get me out of this shit hole." I mumble the last part. 

Adam starts to say something in reply but before he gets the chance Garth comes and sits next to me. 

"Incoming." He mutters quietly, referring to Alastair.

I lower my head and focus on taking small bites out of my sandwich.

I feel his presence behind me, and try my damndest to focus on chewing the old tuna fish smushed between two pieces of stale bread, they call lunch here. 

I hate this. I hate this power he holds over me. I hate the way he can make me scared just by being near me. The fact that he has the power to lock me away in an empty room for however long he pleases has kept me awake for more nights then I care to count.

This has been the longest ten seconds of my life. It's all I can do not to sink under the table and, into a ball, and wait for him to leave.

Eventually he continues walking without saying anything.

Garth nudges me and I look up at him. 

"Thanks man." 

"Any day. I heard you got put in solitary. What happened?" Garth asks innocently. 

I groan, "Nothing."

He's not the type to carry on a conversation unless it's clear the other person wants to talk, and I can only assume, it's clear, I do not want to talk. Not with any of these people anyway. 

"Well. This has been most unpleasant. Dean I think we should head to group, no?" Adam stands and grabs mine and his trays to give back to the kitchen. 

"No." I say, but stand anyway, "I'll see 'yah in group Garth."

He hums in response and starts eating his lunch alone.

Adam and I walk to my group session in awkward silence. This is really odd for him, being as chatty as he usually is. It's probably me. I should probably apologize for being short with him earlier... But, now that I think about it, that's how I usually talk to everybody, minus Sammy of course. Maybe he's just having an off day. I know I am... He was fine earlier though...

"Um Adam-"

"Oh we're here, haha..." He cuts me off.

"Adam are you doing okay?" 

"Yeah I'm fine!" He gives me a reassuring smile, "I'll be out here, like always."

"Okay?" I walk into the group session room and sit in my usual seat. Across where Bobby used to sit and talk with us and ask us questions. My shoulders fall and I realize that'll never happen again. 

After a few minutes the room fills up with the usual suicidal, depressed, men, and as usual, I try not to make eye contact with any of them, as they try to do the same.

When everyone is sitting, that's when he comes in. 

Castiel. 

He's holding a water bottle and a bunch of messy file folders, which I can only assume are ours. For being a professional psychiatrist, he looks like if you even look at him funny, he'll cry in confusion. 

It goes quiet and all eyes are on him. He slowly walks over to his chair and sits down, placing his water on the floor next to him, and opens the top file. 

He awkwardly clears his throat. 

"As many of you probably know, my name is Doctor Novak. I'm here in replacement of the old psychiatrist, Doctor Singer. I've never officially led a group therapy session, so you gentlemen will have to bear with me here." He chuckles quietly at his dry attempt at breaking the ice with us. 

 

_Castiel_

Oh boy. This is so awkward. Why am I having so much trouble with this? I didn't know Dean was going to be here. I must not have noticed his name on the list earlier. First impressions are important, and I haven't talked to a lot of these men yet. I don't want them thinking I don't know what I'm doing or I suck at my job... Dean especially... Why does he make me feel like this? Like if I say or do the wrong thing he'll hate me and request a different Doctor...

 

"Alright let's get started. Because I don't really know many of you yet, how about we go around in a circle and you introduce yourself to me? Tell me your name and... If you could be a teacher, what subject would you teach and why?" 

I learned that questions like these, simple questions that require simple answers, can tell you a lot about a person. 

"I'll start. My name is Doctor Novak, and I would teach English, because I love literature. What about you?" I gesture to the kid sitting to my left. 

"My name is Kevin," He looks around nervously, "I would teach science, because I used to be pretty good at it." 

Kevin Tran. I look down at his file. 17 years old. Depression and risk of suicide. Been in here for six months, and gets out in two more? That's quite a long time... I scribble down his reply and some notes on a blank sheet of paper and close the file, moving it to the bottom of the stack and opening the next one. 

 

The next guy sat slouched and lazy-like, butt on the edge of his chair and thumbs in his waistband where pockets would normally have been, had he been wearing jeans. "The name's Ash, and I'd teach Computer Science because computers are interesting and fun to work with." 

Ash Harvelle. Bipolar Disorder. In here for two weeks, has been here many times before, leaves in three weeks, and is currently not taking any medication? I underline that to remind myself to deal with that later. Next. 

 

The third guy out of seven, is tapping his his feet quickly and keeps looking around as if someone is going to jump out and kill him. Benny Lafitte. Schizophrenia. From the looks of Doctor Singer's notes he's not leaving here any time soon, but he appears to be taking the wrong medication. I frown and scribble it down.

"I'm Benny and I guess I would teach Math? Because it's fun?"

"Could you elaborate Benny?" I ask, taking a sip of my water.

"Um... Uh... Well... I don't... I don't feel comfortable... So I... I don't..." He stutters. 

"Okay, okay, that's alright Benny. We can move on. Dean?"

Dean Winchester. He's sitting normally, his right foot resting on his left knee, bouncing his leg. 

"My name is Dean and I'd teach P.E. I don't know why. I guess I'd get a kick out of watching a bunch of awkward teenagers try not to get hit by dodge-balls," He chuckles, "The whistle pretty much makes me their God." He smiles widely, and almost everyone laughs quietly. 

I already know his issues and have already started working on addressing them. I look at him and he's smiling at me. I can't help but smile back. He's got a sense of humor. Don't get me wrong, it's stupid and not very funny, but I find myself smiling like an idiot anyway.

 

I learn the next the guys' name's are Zach another Schizophrenic, Balthazar who also has Depression, and Gabriel with an Antisocial Personality Disorder. 

These guys all have similar mental disorders. Mild and generally treatable with medication. If they were all so treatable, why have they been in here for so long? Dean especially. 

I scratch my head. 

"Alright!" I clap my hands together, "So how's everyone feeling today?"

Crickets. 

"I want you all to know this is a safe place, you can talk about anything here. Nobody's going to judge you."

Crickets. 

"Well if nobody's going to say anyth-"

"Sad." Dean interrupts, mumbling quietly. 

"Do you want to elaborate? You're feeing sad? Why?" 

He looks at me, and looks as though he's about to say something but stops. 

"I think we're all kind of feeling uneasy. I mean... With Bobby gone and all... It's just... None of us have ever known this place without him." Kevin steps in. 

"Is that true? For the rest of you? Is that how you're all feeling?" I ask.

They all nod hesitantly.

"Alright. I have some homework for you guys then. I want all of you to write a letter to Doctor Singer. I know he's no longer living, but write it as if he was. About anything. Write down your feelings. Your opinions. Write about how much you miss him. At least two pages. Bring it to group on Thursday and we can discuss it if you want. I um... I think that's good for today, huh? I don't want to talk too much today. Thursday I'll have a speech prepared, I promise. I just want to get to know you all a bit better before I go all super philosophical on you guys. Group is dismissed." 

After grabbing my water, I quickly leave the room and head straight to my office. 

Public speaking had never been my strong suit. I liked to listen to people and give them advice based on their problems, not lecture them or have meaningless conversations with them. 

If I didn't get this office cleaned up soon, I was going to go crazy. 

I open my planner sitting on my desk and make a short to-do list. 

  
**To-Do**   


**1\. Clean Office**

**2\. Adjust Medications for Patients.**

**3\. Get Dean out of here.**

 

Three things. Three simple, but seemingly impossible, tasks I need to get done in my time here.

If my professor had've told me this is what I would be doing with my adult life when I first started school, I would have told him to fuck off and probably would have became an English teacher or something. 

I wanted to own an office. I wanted it to have the walls lined with bookshelves and cluttered with books. I wanted a big, old, ugly rug in the center of the room, and two ugly, red, leather sofas sitting on top of it, facing each other. 

Not this. I didn't want to work in a mental hospital. Sure I wanted to help people, but I never liked hospitals. I never liked the atmosphere, the smell, the staff, the constant rushing or the presence of fear everywhere you go. 

The fear of dying, the fear of loved ones dying, the fear of losing a patient. This was no different. Instead there was a different type of fear here. The fear that you might actually go mental. The fear you might BE crazy. The fear someone will try to hurt you. The fear you might try to hurt yourself. 

I just want to help people, and I hate not being able to do that with everyone here. So many people will probably be here for the rest of their lives, and I just want to help every single one of them, but I can't, and it kills me.

One step at a time Castiel. One step at a time. And the first thing you have to do is get this mess sorted out. 

I look around at the mess and exhale slowly. Why wasn't I a teacher again? 

_Dean_

Adam rushes in, finds me, and we head back to my room, where we find Garth reading on his bed. 

"Hey, I didn't see you in group today? Where were you?" I ask, sitting down on my bed, Adam following suit. 

"I um... Alastair wanted to talk to me. We adjusted my meds. He took me off Zoloft? Changed me to something else. I thought the Zoloft was helping.... I don't know. I'm not a doctor..."  He puts down his book and folds his legs under him. 

"Sounds... Sketchy. Did Cas- Doctor Novak talk to you about it?" 

"No. Alastair just grabbed me at lunch and told me to come straight back here when we were finished. Group ran kinda short. How'd Novak do?" 

"Awkward." Adam and I replied in unison. 

"He gave us homework? We have to write a two page letter to our old dead shrink about our feelings, by Thursday." I explain.

"Which reminds me! I'll be right back!" Adam says, leaves, then comes back with some papers and two, dull, #2 pencils. "Get writing," he hands us the papers and pencils. 

"Are you kidding? I'm not gunna-" I start but Garth is already writing, using his side table as a flat surface. 

"Just... Try. I think Novak knows what he's doing..." 

I scoot over to my bedside table and place the pencil to the paper. Just try Dean. 

"Robert Singer," I start.

"'Aatah boy," Adam mumbles and sprawls out on my bed, opening his book.

**~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N  
> So I updated this trashy trash. Actually... Pretty okay with it. Constructive feedback is appreciated as always. I'm actually gunna start updating and editing this I think.   
> If you stumble across this, please Vote for it and add it to your library if you like it 'n stuff. :^)
> 
> Road to Nowhere- Ozzy Osbourne


	4. Wind of Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> PLEASE DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY TRIGGERED BY RAPE SCENES OR MENTION OF RAPE. IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE TO READ, I WOULD READ JUST DEAN'S LAST PART. IT'S REALLY ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW TO MOVE ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER. ❤️  
> 

Dean  
"Get up."  
I groggily open my eyes and roll over. Alastair is standing above me shaking me awake. I look over and see that Garth is still sleeping.  
"If he wakes up, you'll never see him again. Now get the fuck up. Now!" He whispers in an angry hush.  
For fear of what that might mean, I slowly swing my legs off the bed and stand. He points to the door and I tiptoe slowly out of my room. I feel him grab and bunch up the back of my shirt before he starts pushing me down the hall.  
"Where... Where are you taking me?" I quietly ask, my voice weary and weaker then I had hoped.  
He says nothing as he leads me down the dark corridor. The lights are dim, the nurses are all on break somewhere, and the patients are all locked away in their rooms. There's no way I'm getting out of this.  
Soon he's leading me through an unfamiliar part of the hospital and I'm starting to feel sick.  
"Stop," He grunts.  
I hear keys jangling behind me, and he's unlocking a door next to us. He pushes me inside an unfamiliar room and closes the door behind him.  
The room is dark and I can't see a thing.  
"...Alastair?" I ask.  
He shoves me forward, and I fall, but instead of hitting the floor, I bend in half, my chest hitting a flat table top, and my cheek smacking against the cool, smooth metal. It's now that I realize... When I try to push myself up he places a hand on my back and forces me back down.  
"Alastair please-"  
His hand reaches around to cover my mouth. "Don't say a fucking word."  
I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I fight but with my skinny arms and the position I'm in, I'm no match.  
He reaches down and slowly pulls my pants down before undoing and pulling down his own.  
"I'm sure you know how this goes. If you don't put up a fight, it'll all be over soon."  
I feel him. Pressing up against me and I shiver in pure disgust. The tears are slowly gliding down my cheeks, over his hand, and tap, tap, tap, hitting the metal table.  
Why now? He's had years to do this. I've always known he's been planning something but this? Why me? I squirm, but in my efforts to get away, he only seems to be getting more and more aroused. Maybe I should just give up. I'm no match for him. Maybe he'll even kill me afterward for insurance purposes. Make sure I don't tell.  
Right as he's pushing himself in, no lube, condom or... preparation... There's a clink of metal behind us, and suddenly light floods the room.  
If someone up there was looking out for me, I wasn't sure of it until now.  
"What... What the fuck is going on here? Alastair? Dean? Oh my god!" A familiar voice screams in horror. Suddenly Alastair is pulled off of me and there's shuffling noises.  
I reach down and pull my pants and underwear up, and turn around. To my horror, Castiel is throwing punches left and right at Alastair.  
"I... I can't... Stop! Castiel! Please!" But he doesn't stop. Alastair finally starts fighting back after getting his jeans back on and his dick put away. Castiel is no big guy compared to Alastair, but he doesn't let that stop him from throwing punches. Alastair shoves Castiel to the ground and climbs on top of him.  
"You son of a bitch! Fucking fagget! He's mine!" He's spitting in Cas's face.  
Cas finds away to squirm out from under Alastair and pulls himself to his feet. Alastair follows suit. The two of them are standing face to bloody face, Castiel's back to me. I reach my hand out and place it on Doctor Novak's shoulder. He turns to look at me.  
"Dean... Are you... Did he..."  
I rush out of the room and pass by Garth. He grabs my arm and pulls me into a hug. I reluctantly push him away.  
"Dean... I woke up and followed you... As soon as I realized what was happening I got help... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry-"  
"Just stop," I hush him, "It's fine. I... Thank you." I pull him into an awkward hug and he squeezes me harder than I thought possible.  
"Dean?"  
We pull away from one another.  
Alastair is standing before me, his lip is bleeding and there's a bruise forming on his right eye.  
"If you tell a single person about this, I'll make sure you will never leave this fucking hell hole," and with that he turns and walks back down the hall.  
I start to call out to him but it's only now I realize... Castiel saw... Me... And Alastair... He saw everything. I wonder what he must think... He might think I consented or... I don't even know. Right now I don't care. I turn away, mortified, and run to the nearest bathroom, Garth calling after me. I turn on one of the showers and slide down the wall, burying my face in my knees, letting the scolding hot water drench me.  
At some point Castiel came in and sat next to me, wrapped an arm around me and let me sob into his chest, the both of us soaking, clothing on and everything.  
"I just want to fucking die Cas." I scream into his chest over and over. "Just let me fucking die."  
"Shhh..." He hushes me and pats my back reassuringly, "No. You don't want to die. It's all going to be okay. Soon, I promise."  
"You don't understand Cas. I'm mortified."  
"Why are you mortified? You didn't do anything wrong."  
"You don't understand. You wouldn't understand. I can't fucking live like this anymore."  
He doesn't respond. Only sits there, holding me, gently stroking my back with his fingertips.  
Eventually the water starts to turn cold and he takes me back to my room, where Adam is waiting for me with clean, dry clothes.  
"Sweetie... I heard-"  
"Just..." I stop him and grab my clothes. "Thanks. Can I just get dressed please?"

Castiel  
"Shit. Shit shit shit."  
It's currently 3:43 AM and I am pacing around my office at the hospital.  
"What? Castiel? Hello? What time is it?"  
"Meg? How close to the top of your to-do list is Dean Winchester?"  
"Doctor Novak. It is three in the fucking morning. This can wait."  
"No no it really can't. Please Meg."  
"Ugh hold on."  
There're a couple of seconds of shuffling on the other end before, "Okay well... I went to the City Mental Hospital Records Center at the State Capitol building yesterday, and they have nothing on him. Pretty shady if you ask me. Because I was curious, I called the boss man and he told me not to dig any further. He told me Dean Winchester died 15 years ago, after a suicide attempt that occurred on the premises, right after his arrival. But that still wouldn't explain why there is literally no record of his existence ever. No birth certificate, no social security number, nada. So I dug a little further and found out that there IS a Sam Winchester that supposedly had a brother by the name of Dean Winchester. I contacted him and he said there is indeed, a Dean Winchester who is a patient at West Cross Mental Hospital in Kansas. I was actually going to come down this weekend and check everything out, after I got the approval by the board..."  
I consider telling her about tonight, but I fear it may only make things worse for Dean.  
"Okay... Well there is for sure a Dean Winchester that is a patient here. I am actually his doctor, and I have a file on him from Doctor Singer the previous head physician and psychiatrist here at West Cross. I can fax it to you if you want, but there's really no need for you to come down here. I actually take back what I said. I don't need any information on Winchester. It's the leading pharmacist here, Doctor James Alastair, that I'm having issues with. I don't believe he's suited to have a medical licence or suited to handle patients at all for that matter.... Do you know anything about him?"  
Silence...  
"Meg are you there?"  
Silence...  
"Castiel... I'll be down there tomorrow. I need you to stay there and keep an eye on your patients for the rest of the night. Don't make any physical contact with him. He's dangerous Cas. God... This could get really ugly. In fact I'm leaving right now. I'll be there in a couple hours."  
With that she hangs up and I'm left wondering what the hell I'm going to do to keep Dean safe.  
I head to his room, and peer through the small window in the locked door, to see that him, Adam, and Garth are all sitting on Dean's bed, talking to each other.  
I unlock the door and open it.  
"Um... Dean? Can... You come to my office please?"  
"Sure," he says without any hesitation and stands to follow me. Adam gets up to come as well, but wave him off.  
"Stay here and watch Garth please... I can handle my own patient."  
~~~~  
"Go ahead and have a seat..." I point to the old brown couch, surrounded by dusty files, and we both take a seat.  
"Dean... What do you know about Alastair?"

Dean

"Um..." I gulp.  
"He... He's worked here for the whole time I've been here... I don't know... He's... I can't do this..." I get up and start to leave, but Castiel grabs my hand.  
"Wait... Don't go... I'm sorry... I know it's too soon to ask. I really need to know. I wouldn't ask if I didn't. Please sit down and talk to me."  
I look down at our hands and he lets go quickly, muttering a small apology.  
I reluctantly sit back down.  
There's some comfortable silence for a little while.  
"Dean I want you to know you really can talk to me about... Anything... It's kind of what I'm here for. I get paid for it actually." He says, trying to lighten the mood. "No but... Anything. As a friend even... You don't have to come to me about your problems..." He softly places his hand on my own.  
"Dean... Why did he do this to you?"  
"I.... I don't know," my voice unintentionally cracks.  
I look up at him and he stares at me with the bluest of blue eyes, and everything stops for just a small, mere second.  
Suddenly it as if I'm forcefully thrown back in time. Thrown back into a memory so vivid I could almost taste the pie my mother is baking. I could almost feel her, really feel her, placing her hand on my shoulder planting a kiss atop my head.  
"Dean? How about when you finish your pie, we'll see if dad maybe wants to play some ball in the yard? How does that sound?"  
"That sounds great mommy!" I reply, a face full of her famous apple pie.  
Suddenly I'm in the front yard, with my dad showing me how to swing a baseball bat, and my mom sitting on the porch, holding a newborn baby Sammy. Everything seems so right. So perfect. Like nothing in this world could ever make me forget this day. And how could I? It really was the all American dream. The perfect family. Nothing could go wrong.  
"Alright now Dean. Let's see how it goes. I'm gunna toss you the ball and you're going to hit it, just like I taught you okay?"  
I feel my small, four year old self nod. This is it. My one chance to make my dad proud. I just have to hit the ball... And I..... Miss. I'm so disappointed in myself. I, being four, start to cry.  
"Oh now, Dean-o cheer up! I'm not mad! It takes practice. You'll get it!" He kneels down in front of me and taps me on the nose. "Let's go inside and watch some cartoons, huh?" I sniffle. "And... Maybe momma will let you hold Sammy?"  
I smile, take his hand and we head inside.  
And just like an old video, the edges of the memory start to crackle and sizzle, until I'm back in Novak's office, sitting next to him on the couch.  
"Doc?"  
"Hm?" He hums quietly.  
"Get me out of here."  
He looks at me solemnly, "Dean I've been trying..."  
"No. Tonight. Now. Break me out. I can't stay here anymore. You know that. You know I don't belong here."  
"Dean... I don't know... I... I'll lose my job. My license. This is a lot to ask. It's against all of the hospital rules. I could potentially be putting you in more harm then you being here with Alastair."  
"Castiel."  
He shakes his head. I know it's crazy. It sounds crazy. I've thought of sneaking out and running away before. I even planned it all out in my head. Every tiny detail. I mean how could you not if you were locked up for life? No. I can't ask him to do this. I couldn't be the one thing that cost him his job. Especially not if we got caught, I couldn't live with myself.  
"Never mind. It's stupid. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm gunna go back to my room and try to get some sleep," I stand and pull at the hem of my white tee.  
"I'm sorry Dean."  
"Nah. I couldn't ask you to do that. I'll see you tomorrow," And with that, I leave. As to be expected, Adam is waiting outside the door to walk me back.  
When I reach my room I turn around and give Adam a hug, "Thanks buddy... For tonight."  
He hugs back without hesitation and tells me to get some sleep. I lay down on my bed and wait until the light in the hallway outside is dimmed. After five minutes, Adam peeks through the window and I act as though I'm out cold. When he leaves I quickly sit up and start gathering my things, or what I have in my room at the moment anyway... Which includes my sweater and shitty ass slippers. I pull my sweater on and step silently to the door, as not to wake a sleeping Garth.  
I reach out shakily and push on the door. For a millisecond it doesn't open and my heart drops to my fuzzy blue slippers, but alas, it silently swooshes open and I sneak out without the slightest thought of turning back and I run. I run past the offices and closed doors. I run past the sleeping patients and I run past Novak's cracked door. I catch the slightest glimpse of him looking through papers and smile. I only hope that after me leaving here, he can sort through all of those damn papers. I wish I could say goodbye. No time. I only run. Like a ninja, do I run. Fast and silent. I only stop running when I reach the commons area. Nobody is about at this hour or 4:30 AM. They're awake, but all of them are busy in their offices or taking breaks. The last thing standing in my way to freedom is the god damn annoying talkative desk clerk hopped up on caffeine 24/7 I swear to the gods.  
I can taste the fresh, free air. I can see the stars already. I can hear the crickets and the dogs barking. This bitch is not going to stop me.  
**~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N  
> "HOLY MOTHER FUCKING FUCKNUT SON OF A BITCH" -Me if I could describe this chapter.  
> Alright I finally have the idea for the plot and it's rolling now. Idk. I'm sorry it took so fucking long to get this up but like... I write as I go. And sometimes that means writing without a plot. And sometimes that means not knowing what the plot is until one day I get a random idea and just roll with it. Oyy. Kill me. I'm sorry this is a shit post and that it's so short but I promise, there's more and better to come. ❤️❤️❤️  
> -Wind of Change by Scorpions


	5. Universal Mind

_Dean_  
"Damn," I mutter. I ponder what I'm going to do to avoid her. I have to get out of the spot I'm in. Someone is bound to walk by or see me soon. Nothing comes to mind. I could just run and run straight out the doors. This place has hardly any security besides the orderlies that are up at all hours, but it's so close to 5:00 AM that the nurses are just about to start waking patients but not quite done taking their breaks. This is the only time they're not up and rushing around, acting busy and dealing with patients. And even with them, and the two lousy security guards here for emergencies, there's still so much shit that goes on here. It's like prison. Items patients have sneaked in from the outside being used and passed around. Girls wandering into the men's ward and vice versa. Doctors fucking raping patients.I scoff.  
 No time to dwell. It's 4:56 A.M. now. Just a few more minutes until- Alastair loudly barges through the front of the hospital doors and stomps over to the front desk. Well I WAS waiting for him to come in at promptly five as he does every day, but I'm sure he has to start prepping for work or whatever the hell he does when he gets here. He leans on the desk and begins to flirt with the clerk. To my surprise, she's into it. Disgusting. Now's my chance. My only chance. I can't believe I'm doing this. 30 more steps and I'm gone. 15 whole years, and in the course of Castiel's time here, I'm finally leaving. Unofficially obviously but... Still.  
My legs begin to move without my brain telling them to. Now or never Deano. I sneak into the commons and around the dividing wall separating the two rooms. I peak around the corner, and she has gotten up and the two of them have left and started towards a room behind the desk, down a hall no patients are allowed. I roll my eyes. All these years and I never realized it would be so easy to leave. My legs are doing the thing again.. You know the thing where they just start moving without my brain telling them to. Suddenly my hands are pressed on the cool metal bar of the glass exit door. Now I'm pushing it open.  
Do you remember when you were a child? Ah... That's a broad question. Do you remember when you didn't know jack about the real world? When all you really knew was your parents, siblings, friends from school or church, teachers and grade school and nothing else? That WAS your world, although there was a whole 24,000 mile in circumference planet out there, ready to swallow you and your innocent dreams up whole. Remember having crushes and thinking you were in love? When having a boyfriend or a girlfriend was really no big deal? Remember asking 500 questions a day, but your mom being okay with it because it was really all just out of simple curiosity? Of course you do. You were there. Remember the oh sweet innocence your soul clutched onto with red fists as you slowly grew older and experimented over the years? Do you remember doing something even if you knew it was wrong, but it's fine because your parents would never find out? What about getting caught? Can you recall the gut feeling when your dad called you by your full name and just _knowing_ they knew? That gut feeling... Like you were being punched in the stomach, stabbed even. Your whole world just caving in because you _knew_ you weren't going to get caught! But... You did... And it's all you can think about. _It_ is now your whole world. Well that gut feeling, the one I'm feeling right now, is something I will probably never forget. It's soft and quiet... But I hear it... It being Castiel's voice, quietly speaking my name.   
"Dean..."   
That single word, to me right now, a word I've heard thousands of times throughout my lifetime, is the equivalent of 100 punches to my gut. I don't move. In fact I grip the metal pole harder. So much so my fist begins to turn a dark shade of red.  
"Dean?"   
Another 100 punches to my stomach. I stand there, resting my forehead on the cool glass door.   
He doesn't repeat my name, and for that my groin is thankful, but... The silence... It's deafening. Me waiting for him to say or do something is what may finally do it for me. I wait. For something. Anything. I refuse to turn around and look at him.   
Silence.  
I'm surprised this handle hasn't broken yet.   
More silence.   
I hear footsteps and feel his presence behind me, much like Alastair's in the cafeteria at lunch, but with him I don't feel afraid. I should. He holds just as much power over me then Alastair, if not more. So why am I not afraid? He could call a code one right now. Have me put in solitary for practically the rest of my life. He could prescribe me with medication that could induce psychosis or even... Death. But I'm not afraid.  
"Cas..." My voice cracks, "Please. You could go back to your office right now and no one would ever even know you knew. You could stay quiet. You could let me go. You know I shouldn't be here. You know..." I trail off. My breath is fogging up a small circle on the door, and tears start to fall from my face to the floor, one at a time.   
He softly places his right hand on my left shoulder. I could still run. He's not holding me or forcing me to stay. Freedom could still be mine. I think he knows that, that's why he hasn't said anything. Life is full of tough decisions, I just never really thought I'd have to make any of them. I look up and outside, my movement startling Castiel. If he thinks I might do it, that means he thinks I'm capable of doing it. I chuckle slightly, shaking my head and watch, as the sun rises slowly over the mountains in the distance.   
"Okay," I whisper so quietly I'm not sure _I_ even heard it.  
He grips my shoulder a little tighter and I spin around to hug him. I reach my arms under his and rest my chin on his shoulder, squeezing my eyes shut, hugging him tighter than I've ever hugged a person. He slowly hugs me back, more reluctant than I expected, but a hug nonetheless. And I cry. Because I made the god damn decision. I fucking made it, and it was no thanks to this bastard. I cry, quietly into his shoulder and at one point I'm pretty sure I hear him shushing me. It's nice. Peaceful. Safe...  
"It's going to be okay. I'll get you out of here Dean. If it's the last thing I do okay? I promise," He lulls.   
_God, if you're there, thank you for this man._    
"C'mon let's get you back to your room before Adam keels over and dies because you're not there hm?"   
"Yeah. Yeah okay." We separate and I start towards my room avoiding all eye contact, but not before he says, "Dean? I... I won't tell anyone if you wont okay? It'll just be our secret."  
I may never know if it's because he doesn't want to lose his job or if it's because truly doesn't want me to get in trouble, but I'm surprisingly okay with either, "Yeah... Just our secret...." I smile softly, "Thank you Cas."   
He doesn't reply and I walk back to my room. He follows suit.   
"Where have you been!?" Adam squeals from my bed.  
"Huh? What tim-"   
"5:13 Dean. IT'S 5:13 AM!" He screams, but when he sees my red tear soaked face he pauses and any anger he held towards me for my tardiness dissipates. And then he sees Cas, "Dean are you alright?" He asks me quietly.   
I turn around to look at Cas, who is leaning against the door frame, hands in his jean pockets, then back to Adam, "Just a rough session about Singer. I'll be okay. Just tired," I fake a yawn that somehow turns into a real one, and Adam yawns as well, Cas following suit. Garth rolls over and stretches, yawning loudly. We all look at him as he slowly opens his eyes. We three laugh and Garth asks what the hell is going on, which makes us laugh even harder. Everything that has happened in the past two days, you would be okay to assume us laughing, in any situation would probably be fucked, but here we are... Laughing over something stupid and not humorous in the slightest. And I get the slightest feeling that everything is going to be okay. Things are really going to start changing around here.   
  
__Castiel  
I have never been awake for this many hours straight since I started college, and I wasn't even a frat boy. Med school is hard as shit. Once Dean is with Adam and I'm sure he is going to be safe and fine for the time being, I head back to my office. I'm pretty sure I've almost managed to crack Singer's system with his files but it's still a mess. Probably more so then it was when I arrived. I stretch. I should have gone home last night but with everything that happened there's no way I'm going to be able to leave here until Alastair is gone and I know Dean is safe. Only then will I be able to truly focus on my other patients. I know it's not fair to them but... Dean was raped. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I put anything above him. I think that goes for anyone...  
~~~~~~~~~~  
"Tap. Tap Tap Tap."  
"Cas?"  
"Tap. Tap Tap Tap Tap."  
"Five more minutes!" I mumble.  
"Castiel!"   
I jump up from my office chair. I must have passed out reading patient files. Meg, my boss and wonderfully annoying ex-girlfriend is standing in front of my desk, one hand on her hip, another holding a pen. She must have been tapping it on my desk trying to wake me up. That's something she used to do habitually anywhere she went. She tapped things. Her nails, pens, her foot, God it used to drive me crazy. At first I found it cute but over time, Jesus Lord it's annoying.  
"Jesus Meg you scared me!"  
"Do you often sleep on the job? If you can't do this I could easily find someone to replace you..."  
"God I just got this job and you're already threatening to fire me? That is so like you," I scoff, and walk around my desk, grabbing two water bottles out Singer's dinosaur of a mini fridge. The thing is probably older than me, but it does it's job. Good thing because I can't afford a new one. I hand her a bottle and we sit on the couches.   
"Meg..." I don't even know where to begin.   
"Alastair bolted. Earlier this morning. He came in earlier for work, and the clerk said he tried to rape her. She went home and called the cops. Said she didn't want to cause a scene here, because it might scare some of the patients. She said he ran when she hit him, but when the cops got to his house he had packed his things and left. They have no idea where he went, but they're looking."

"Meg he raped one of my patients.... Dean. Dean Winchester. I caught him in the act and beat the shit out of him I-I can't believe this. I thought this was going to be a normal fucking job."  
"I'm so sorry... I can... Should I report it? I mean... Is that what Dean wants? Because I can. When they catch him they can charge him at the same time. Lengthen his sentence you know?"  
"I haven't gotten a chance to ask him yet. Well I did but... I don't think it was really the right time."  
"Okay. Well... I've been curious. Is there any way you can get me Dean's file? And Singer's other patients? I don't even want to know how much work we're both going to have to do. Might as well get started."  
I stand up and gather what I've found of their files, and hand them to her, "Hey is there anyway I could run home and grab a shower? Now that I know Dean-my patients are safe I won't hate myself for you know... Taking care of myself?" I rub the back of my neck and wait in agonizing anticipation for her reply. I know my hours are long. I knew they would be when I took the job but there was know way I could know this would go down. I'm supposed to come in at 8:00 AM and work until 6:00 PM. It's 6:50 AM right now. It takes 20 minutes to get to my apartment, 20 minutes to shower, change clothes and clean up, and another 20 minutes to get back here. If I hurry, maybe I can even sneak in a 10 minute nap.

"I don't have to be in until 8:00..." I say when she doesn't reply.  
"I know." She sighs. "Fine. Don't be late. You'll get sleep tomorrow when you actually leave when you're supposed to." She looks up at me, but I'm already out the door. What I wouldn't give for a hot shower.  
I leave the building, hop in my old, beat up, Black, 2002 Honda Accord and head to the city, to my shitty apartment. You know... Doctors are supposed to make bank. They never explain to you when you're thinking about your career, just how much student loans are. Student loans are nice and all when you're in college. But I'm not in college. My student loans have caught up to me and it shows. It shows in my shitty old car and my shitty old apartment. Although my Diploma and Certificates are pretty nice looking...   
When I get to my building, I park out front under the awning in my spot, and run up three flights of stairs.  
"Home sweet home," I mumble as I turn the key and step inside. It's cold. I must have forgotten to turn off the AC. AC costs money. Money I don't have, especially if I'm not even going to be here most of the time.  
"Goddammiiiit!" I cry out. I glance at my bed and see my favorite soft white blanket, neatly folded on top of my neatly made sheets. I hear it calling my name.   
I then glance at my shower...  
Then back to my bed....   
"Oh... No..." I mutter to myself. My feet start moving towards my bed.  
_'Okay. But I still have to shower.'_ I tell myself as a plop down on my bed, face first, wrapping myself up in my sheets.   
_Mmmmm. Nice..._ I snuggle up in my soft blanket and relax.  
When my head hits the pillow, I'm out.   
  
Castiel doesn't usually have dreams, or doesn't usually remember them at least, but this morning he dreamed. He dreamed of Candy Apple Green eyes, freckles, and sandy brown hair.  
**~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N  
> HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN!?  
> Oh boy....... It's late.... Or it's early.... Good God I just started writing and couldn't stop and now.... It's late... Or it's early. I'm tired. Good thing I don't have a life. Here take this filler chapter, that for some reason is one of the longer chapters??? I'm sorry. I don't even know... Nygh  
> This story is also on Wattpad under the same name and the username 'MrsCastielWinchester' (I know. I'm trash.) if it's more convenient for you or want to recommend it to someone or Idek...  
> I hope you enjoyed. If you have any feedback or ideas I'd love to know, especially if I missed something or there's a plot hole or anything... I'm sure there's grammar errors but I'll probably read through and fix them later so... Thanks for reading. Like I said, now that I have an idea for the plot, hopefully I can start updating more often and take this story where I want it, which is hopefully where I want it... I'm just so confused because this is a Mental Hospital AU and I don't want it to just be the first few chapters are mental hospital... Who knows. We'll see where it takes us.  
> Idk what else to say. I'm going to sleep.  
> -Universal Mind by The Doors


	6. Apocalyptic Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUICK A/N  
> LORD MAMA HELP ME IF MY FAMILY FINDS THIS. GOD, IF I KNOW YOU (From school.

_Castiel doesn't usually have dreams, or doesn't usually remember them at least, but this morning he dreamed. He dreamed of Candy Apple Green eyes, freckles, and sandy brown hair. He dreamed of an ear to ear grin, and distinct laugh lines as Dean sees his brother in the first time in two weeks. He dreamed of Dean's smell... He smelled like leather and roses even if he hadn't been around those things in over a decade. He dreamed of... He dreamed of Dean looking up at Castiel after opening up to him and crying to him, and straight up staring into his soul... That was something Dean was good at doing. Casually looking at Castiel on the outside, but deep down the two of them knew... There was a connection... Not even explainable in words. The two of them would never admit it, to themselves or aloud, but they knew... Castiel dreamed of Dean letting lose after getting comfortable in his office and... Leaning over on the couch and pulling Cas in for a short, soft, intimate kiss... And Castiel wanting more when Dean pulls away, apologizing for being inappropriate. He dreamed of hungrily pulling Dean back to his lips and pushing him down against the leather sofa, climbing on top of him and tracing Dean's jaw with his thumb as they sloppily kiss one another and-_  
_Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep_  
~~~~~~~~~~

_Castiel_  
My alarm buzzes loudly on my nightstand. I sleepily flop my arm around, in an attempt to hit the snooze button without having to move from my current, comfy position, wanting to finish my dream but... Wait... I sit up in bed faster then I've ever moved in my life, and boy am I wide awake now... Did I almost just have a wet dream about one of my patients? And did I almost just try to sleep in to finish it? I feel my face go red in embarrassment even though no one would ever know about my dream except me but still... I look over at my alarm, still buzzing away.  
_Shit. No. Why?_  
It reads 8:37 AM. I rush out of bed and debate on whether I should shower or not. Lose my job or go another day without showering? I have never been so late in my entire existence. Hell I was born six days early. The internal debate ends when I decide just to change into some clean clothes and freshen up my face, teeth and hair. Forget breakfast, I'm out the door and already in the car within five minutes, speeding like a bat out of hell, and just praying Meg either left already, or is in a really good mood. The 20 minute drive is the longest 20 minutes of my life.  
It's almost 9:10 AM by the time I finally reach the hospital and I'm running to my office before I even have a chance to clock in. My office door is unlocked, which means Meg is still... Here... I look around in awe. I'm not quite sure if this is even still my office... She... She organized it. All of it. Every file is neatly stacked into a pile, and each pile is neatly settled into columns and rows and there's actually a floor and four walls of bookshelves in here. Who would have guessed?  
"Meg...??" I ask when I don't see her.  
"Here," She pops up from behind a large stack of papers next to my desk. "So... Are you planning on explaining why you're an hour late or," She asks without even looking up from the file she's reading.  
"I... Overslept. Meg look before you say anything else, you know me, you know I'm never late to anything, I'm just starting this job with new longer hours and I knew you we're here. I had a plan but my bed was calling my name-"  
"Castiel Novak. Hush. I don't mind. I do know you. I'll let you off the hook this time but don't let it happen again. You'll get used to the hours in a week. I promise," She hushes me, all without looking up from the file she's reading.  
"Who's that?" I ask.  
"This here is Deano boy."  
She doesn't elaborate, only continues reading. Dean. The dream. I'm never going to be able to look at him again without feeling embarrassed or worried he'll just somehow know I had a wet dream about him. Oh god. I feel like I'm in high school all over again.  
Meg puts the file on my desk and begins explaining how her system of files works. She explains, but I don't listen. I can't listen when I have a vivid mental image of Dean groaning as I begin to grind my hips down on his. Him sighing my name, pulling me even closer to him as he runs his fingers through my hair. I can almost feel him untucking my shirt from my pants, his fingers lightly gracing the skin above the waistline of my jeans-  
"Castiel? Are you even paying attention? Maybe I should just send you back home you look exhausted..."  
"No no I'm fine I just have to... Go to the bathroom. I'll be right back," My face burning with embarrassment, I rush out of my office and down the hall to the men's faculty restroom. When I enter I thank whatever God there is that no one else is in here.  
I walk over to a sink and turn on the faucet, splashing some cold water on my face.  
"Castiel Novak, you are a highly respected psychiatrist and physician," I poke at my reflection, "and you will not allow yourself to have any romantic relationship with any one of your patients do you understand? It was a stupid dream," I poke at the mirror some more, "and you will forget it as soon as you leave this god damn bathroom. I know he's hot but not enough for you to lose your job over." I grunt.  
After turning the faucet off and patting my face dry, I grip the door handle of the bathroom and twist it. "You will, forget that damn dream."  
And out I go.  
As I'm walking back to my office, with a clear head and that dream nestled in the back of my head, I walk by the commons where out of the corner of my eye, I see Dean, leaned back in a chair chuckling at something Adam said as he reaches forward and moves a pawn on the chess board set out in front of him. Dean sees me as well and smiles and waves. My face once again turns its new favorite shade of red. I quickly look away and continue walking.  
This may be a problem.

_Dean_  
What the hell was that all about? The smile on my face fades away as I watch Castiel quickly walk away, almost as if he was avoiding me. My heart drops. I was actually looking forward to our session this afternoon. Last night I had a dream... More like a nightmare. A night terror actually. The last time I had one this bad was shortly after I tried to kill myself. In fact the guards heard me screaming and had to go and find Adam to take me to another room to calm me down. I swear, it's as if the kid never goes home. He's always been here when I needed him, and don't get me wrong I'm grateful for him, I just feel bad that he loses out on sleep... And his life because of me.  
"Dean?" He asks, breaking my train of thought.  
"Hm?" I respond, looking back to him.  
"Are you doing okay? You don't look so good... What just happened?"  
"Adam do you ever go home?" My mouth spits out the words, but I swear I never told it to, "That's not what I meant. I just mean... Do you ever get down time to... I don't know... Live your life? You're just... Always here when I need you. Like last night. Shouldn't you have been at home?"  
He laughs a little, pauses to think and tells me, "Sweetie of course I do. But I knew this job came with long hours. You're my first priority. And I know with what happened," he pauses again, "I just know that you might need someone here lately and it's my job. I care about you and your wellbeing despite what you may think," another long pause as he looks down and twiddles with his thumbs, "And I may or may not have not wanted to have another encounter with Alastair..." He quickly and quietly states.  
"I'm sorry?" I lean forward, hearing Alastair's name.  
"Well I was leaving to go home on my break the other day when you were in solitary... I ran into Alastair and we kind of sorta kissed. Or I kissed him at least and he just totally wasn't into it. He seemed distracted and we'd been going out for a little while... And it was weird of him. Not only do I just feel so guilty about it, but I'm scared to go home because I know he's on the run and he raped... He's a bad man. And I just don't want to be alone. But I also want to be here for you. It's why I was acting so weird when I walked you to group. I knew how poorly he treated you, yet I continued to see him and I was just having an internal battle with myself as to whether I should keep seeing him or not-"  
"Adam it's fine," I cut him off when he starts babbling. "You didn't know. You couldn't have known he would... It's okay. You don't have to stay here out of sympathy for me... I get that you don't want to go home, but don't tell yourself it's for me. I don't want that..." I reply.  
"Dean," He reaches across the chessboard, knocking pawns off, and grabs my hands, "I would stay, even if I wanted to go home. I said you're my first priority and I meant it. I don't care if you like it or not. It was times like last night, being the only one to be able to calm you down and... I don't know, fix everything just for the time being.... Well it's why I signed up for this job." He gives me a reassuring smile and squeezes my hands. "Alright? It's no big deal. Nurses sleep here all the time anyway."  
"Enough with the gross girly mumbo jumbo stuff. Alright alright." I laugh and he lets go of my hands. "Adam... If you want to talk about your relationship with Alastair... Maybe you should talk to someone... Like Singer or Castiel... Definitely not me."  
"Yeah... That's probably a good idea. Hey speaking of HasAGreatAsstiel, did you just see him blush and walk away? What was that all about?"  
"Oh you noticed that too huh? I have no idea. I was actually looking forward to our session. I thought it would help get some things off my mind but maybe he just doesn't like me anymore," We both laugh, "I mean really. Maybe he dug into my file and just 'dun want to be my doc anymore? I don't know. We'll find out at noon I guess."  
"Or you could just go talk to him now. He just came in to work an hour late and he was in the bathroom. Clearly he doesn't have anything better to do today," Adam suggests.  
I pick up the chess pawns that fell on the floor and ponder if I should go see what he's up to.  
"You think? I don't have to go talk to him until noon... "  
"Why not...?"

_Castiel_  
I've always been one to bury myself in my work to avoid confronting my feelings which is precisely what I plan to do with the rest of my day. Just stick my face in these files and start reading. No Dean. No confusing feelings.  
"Cas?" Dean pokes his head in my office, "Hey I know my appointment isn't until like 12:30 but if you're not busy could I talk to you now?"  
"God dammit," I slam Ash's file down on my desk, startling Meg, who's siting on the couch reading a file, and Dean, who lets go of the door frame taking a few steps away.  
"No Dean I didn't mean that, I'm-"  
"It's fine I'll just come back later. Don't sweat it," And without letting me finish he leaves, Adam following, but not without mouthing 'What the fuck!?' to me first.  
I sigh and lean forward, rubbing my temples.  
"Wow. What the hell was that?" Meg asks. "You know what Castiel maybe you should go home. Seriously what's going on with you?" She stands up and sits on my desk next to me, tapping her fingers quietly.  
"I didn't mean to say that. It didn't come out right, he just broke me from my thoughts and I'm... Just really stressed. I have so many patients to deal with and I just feel like Dean should be my first priority but I don't even know where to begin. He's been in here for so long that I just... I sometimes feel like there's no hope for him. And it's horrible."  
"Wait..." She stops tapping, "How long has he been here? You said 15 years?"  
I nod, "Just about, why?"  
She gets up and scrambles around, looking through papers and folders. Eventually she finds a piece of paper that I can only assume by her expression, is what she was looking for. She slams it down on my desk. "Why don't you start here?"

_Dean_  
"Sweetie..."  
"Adam don't worry. Clearly he doesn't want to talk with me today. Maybe I should just try to get out of going to my session. I get it. I know it's not me, it's him. You don't have to lecture me kid," I kick my slippers off and swing my feet up on my bed, folding my arms behind my head.  
Adam lifts my legs and sits at the bottom of my bed, softly setting my legs on top of him and leaning his head back against the cool white brick wall. This is something we did often in our downtime. I wish I could say comfortable silence was both of our favorite things but damn did Adam love to talk. And talk he did. About the most random things. And I would listen. Sometimes chiming in when he asked a question or I disagreed with him. Garth even decided to pitch in today. We talk for a bit, Garth on his bed, finishing his letter to Singer, and me drifting in and out of a nap.  
When it comes time, Garth and I drudge out of bed to grab our morning meds. Apparently they're having trouble finding a new Pharmacist who will work crazy hours and work in the looney bin. Not to mention we're all clearly not on the proper medication, and I'm assuming from all the paperwork nearly laid out on Novak's floor, he's trying to fix that. So meds are running late.  
Our fingers are crossed as we stand in the long line to get our medication and when I reach the front, I'm nearly shaking. 15 years of being on medication that makes you sick... Well it sucks ass. And I'm excited to see if Novak made any adjustments that might actually help.  
I reach out and take the small paper cup from the tired looking pharm tech and bring it up to my face, peering inside to find...  
... Nothing new.  
I look up at Adam and he gives me an apologetic look.  
"Let's go Winchester," the tech rushes me.  
"I..." I don't know what to say. So I just take the pills. She checks my mouth with a flashlight to make sure I swallowed them all and nods, allowing me to leave.  
"Dean..."  
"Just don't. It's been this way for the last decade and a half, I can deal with it for a decade and a half more. Please. Stop with the sympathy today Adam."  
And for once he doesn't press. Only walks me to the bathroom, to wait for the inevitable.  
Once my entire breakfast is no longer in my stomach, I gurgle with some water from the sink and we head to the commons to wait for lunch.  
And when lunch arrives, I eat my sandwich with my head down, next to a quiet Garth and a quiet Adam, and go for my afternoon meds.  
And when the techie hands me my meds in that cursed little white cup, I look down at them. And decide.  
I'm not going to take them.  
I softly place the cup on the counter and apologize to Adam, before sprinting out of line and running to _his_ office. He made me believe things were going to change. He even told me he was going to make some changes. So my plan is to make sure he follows through on that promise.

_Castiel_  
It has been a long day, and it's only halfway over. I can't wait to go home and shower and make myself dinner and _sleep_. And I can't wait to show Dean what Meg found.  
Meg left an hour or so ago, after reminding me exactly how her system works. The "Everything checks out," pile to the back of the office, the "Should probably check again," pile towards the front, and the "Singer was a quack, needs help immediately," pile everywhere else. We worked it out so that everyone who needed a med change would get the proper meds in alphabetical order according to last name. The pharmacy was livid, especially being that they just lost their head pharmacist but they'll deal. I just hope they do it quickly, so my patients no longer have to suffer.  
Needing to pee and take a quick break, I stand from my desk chair, stretch, and leave my office.  
Before I reach the restroom however, I hear my name being called.  
"Cas!" Dean hollers down the hall.  
I can't. I'm mortified. I continue walking, as though I never heard him.  
"Castiel!" He yells again.  
I finally turn around and he's hunched over our of breath behind me.  
_Kind of like he was in that dream Castiel._  
"Dean I'm busy. Our session isn't for another thirty minutes can't this wait?" I turn and start walking.  
"No. Please wait," he says but I continue walking.  
"Thirty minutes Dean."  
_Too embarrassing. He'll know. He already knows. It's inappropriate. Just keep walking Cas._  
"Cas!" He grabs my hand and stops me.  
~~~~~~~~~~  
Castiel spins around and without thinking, smashes his lips into Deans, cupping his hands on both sides of his face. At first Dean is confused. Then he is embarrassed. But then he feels something. Something he's never felt before. Deep in his gut, this feels... Right... Beautiful. Like a firework has been lit inside of him all this time and it's just now going off. So he leans into it and his eyes flutter shut. Just as he begins to pull Cas closer to him, Castiel pulls away and Dean is even more confused than ever.  
The two of them don't know what to say.  
Castiel rushes into the men's bathroom and leans against the door his heart pounding out of his chest, leaving Dean in the hallway, breathless and embarrassed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N  
> And thus their romantic relationship begins. I'm not even going to say anything. I have nothing to say. I'm not even sorry. Please don't give up on me. I know I'm trash. If you look up the definition of garbage in the dictionary, my name and a picture of me shall be printed beside it. BUT YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THIS POINT PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON ME IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS LET ME KNOW. LEAVE A KUDOS, COMMENT AND SHARE IT AND I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER I SWEAR. ❤️  
> -Apocalyptic Love by SLASH


	7. Dream On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick A/N  
> I know. I know! I'm sorry. I have nothing to say. I'm utterly ashamed of myself for leaving you like that..... Hey but if you get a chance, give this story a little love by sharing it with your friends and leaving a kudos or a comment? XOXO ;)  
> Another quick note... I just really wanted to get past this part since I'm completely stuck but want to finish this... It's trash. And I am forever sorry.

Dean has never been kissed before. Castiel just stole Dean's first kiss. And Dean is 100% okay with that... In fact... Dean wants more. He's not sure, but if he remembers right, he read in a book somewhere that first kisses usually suck, as both partners have no idea what they're doing. Usually there isn't a spark or fireworks like there is in fairy tales but that... He knew. That was something special. Castiel did too. He's had a few girlfriends here and there but no kiss he's ever had has felt so special... Not even with Meg. He brings a finger up to his lips and bites a nail, thinking. Dean is still standing in the hallway when it occurs to him he ran from his nurse and meds, and he needs to speak with Castiel or he runs the risk of being placed in solitary for the rest of the day. He slips into the bathroom, sliding down the wall next to Cas.

 _Dean_  
"You know that can never happen again... Right?" Castiel says softly, looking anywhere but at me.  
"What exactly just happened Cas?" I ask him.  
"I don't know. I... I... I could lose my license. I could be banned from the hospital. I'd never be able to help a patient here again if the board saw it as taking advantage of a mentally unstable patient, what are you doing to me? Dean I don't know what to do," he rambles, gripping his hair.  
"You think... You think I'm mentally unstable?"  
"Dean, no that's not what I meant..." He finally looks at me.  
"Is that not what you wanted? You kissed me. You stole my first kiss! That was something special Cas. You can't tell me that meant nothing to you. I just wanted you to fix my god damn meds!" I scoot away from him and begin to stand but he grabs my foot stopping me, "Cas don't."  
He blinks.  
"Castiel please let go."  
"Dean please can we talk about this? I'm sorry. I don't know what to do."  
The flashbacks of my father, with his yellow eyes and demonic laugh, grabbing my foot and dragging me towards him, begin flooding into my mind and I try to shake his hand off of my ankle but it won't budge. He doesn't know about the nightmares... I start to panic. "Cas please let go! I need you to let go. PLEASE PLEASE!" I scream and yank my foot out of his grip, falling backwards. My head hits the old, glass sink and everything goes dark. The last thing I remember is Castiel leaning over me screaming my name and calling for help.  
~~~~~~~~~~  
"Can you hear me? You had a terrible fall and hit your head pretty hard. You have a concussion. Can you tell me what your name is?"  
"Dean," I mumble.  
"Good Dean, do you know where you are?" The unfamiliar nurse asks me.  
"Hell?"  
She giggles, "No Dean, you're at West Cross Mental Hospital. Do you remember what happened?"  
I open my eyes and look around, "Where's Cas?"  
"Who?"  
"Uh Doctor Novak? He's my doctor I need to talk to him."  
"I think Mr. Novak went home right after he found you in the bathroom... He called for help and said he found you laying there unconscious. You know you could get in some serious trouble for using the faculty bathrooms... But yeah he left right after he was informed that you'd be fine... You've been out for quite a few hours." She rambles on as she's checking my vitals and looking at my head.  
"No you don't understand. I need to talk to hi-"  
"Dean...?"  
The nurse and I look towards the doorway and see him standing there with his hands in his front jeans pockets.  
"Can we talk?" He asks the nurse. She looks at me and I nod.  
"Okay then... You can go back to your room whenever Adam comes to get you. I'll be running around so just holler for a nurse if you need anything. Make sure to drink lots of water and be sure to take your new medication okay?"  
"Mhm sure yeah thanks," I mumble, staring at Cas awkwardly standing in the doorway like he does.  
She brushes past him and he comes to sit next to me. He sits down and we sit in silence for a good minute or three.  
"I just wanted to apologize. I can not explain how sorry I am for the events that happened earlier today. The kiss was inappropriate as was me grabbing your foot. I told them I found you. I lied and for that I'm sorry as well. If you would like me to resign as your caretaker I will do so immediately and you will never see me again. But before you say anything, I found out why you wanted to talk to me earlier. Your meds were being taken care of, they just hadn't gotten to you quite yet. What you're on should be the correct medication and doses, and if we see improvement we will immediately release you from the hospital's care. It may take some time to find the exact appropriate doses for your body but it will get there," I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out.  
The thought of leaving this place... After so long... I don't even have anywhere to go. Besides Alastair is still out there... I've thought I would die in this place for years I can't even comprehend...  
He holds a finger up to shush me and continues, "Meg, my boss, the one that was in my office this morning, found a slip of paper that I want you to see," he reaches into his back pocket and hands me a crumpled piece of paper, "If you accept... I can take you out of this place for the next 24 hours..." I reach out with shaky hands and grab it, unfolding it slowly to read what it has to say.  
It's an application for a program provided and funded by the state. It reads that each patient is entitled to a trial probation-like 24 hour leave from the hospital after every five years of inpatient treatment. If the patient has not committed any violent crimes, suicide attempts, or is showing major and obvious improvements of their condition(s) within the last five years of their stay, they may participate. They must have a place to sleep, constant medical supervision, and must take all of their required medication. If the patient proves they can be an upstanding and functioning citizen to their fullest ability, permanent release will be considered.  
I look at him.  
"Either way... You're getting out of here soon. If you sign... I have permission from the state to let you come home with me for the next 24 hours because you do not have another permanent and stable residence you can stay at."  
I don't even know what to say.  
"Do you have a pen?" I ask.  
He pulls one out of his plaid shirt pocket and clicks it once. I reach out and grab it.  
"This is completely optiona-"  
"Shut up Cas," I scribble my name onto the line and I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. 15+ years worth of weight just... Gone...  
"About earlier..." I look at him, "I don't want you to resign... I don't want you to stop being my doctor... I just want to know what it was like for you. What did it feel like to you? Did you know you were... Gay?"  
"Dean... To be completely honest with you, I've never felt anything like it before. It was," He pauses, "Liberating. Electric. I don't know what it is about you. It's completely inappropriate. If anyone found out... I've worked so long and so hard for my degrees that I just... I couldn't lose it over a single kiss. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to trip and hit your head. I would never hurt you, or any patient for that matter, intentionally. I even took an oath. But it's like..." He pauses when Adam rudely interrupts.  
"DeAn WiNcHeStER!!" He screams, "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE IN HERE DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?" He runs over to me and hugs me tightly.  
"Oh shut up," I awkwardly pat him on the back, "Did you... Did you see this?" He pulls away and I hand him the paper. He carefully examines it and looks at me, mouth ajar.  
"Dean..." His voice cracks.  
"I know."  
"Dean."  
I know!"  
"Dean you're getting out of here!" Tears form in his eyes, "I never doubted it for a second kiddo," He smiles and hands me back the paper.  
I hand it to Cas and he reads it over before folding it up and putting it in his back pocket. "Shall we?" He holds out his hand to help me up. I look at Adam and he's grinning from ear to ear, then back to Castiel, who is awkwardly standing the way he does, hand still outstretched. I grab his hand and slowly sit up, scooting to the edge of the bed.  
"I'll let you get dressed," Castiel says before stepping outside and shutting the door behind him.  
Adam helps me dress into my fancy blue pj bottoms and wrinkly white shirt and gives me a big hug.  
"I'm so so happy for you. I only wish it would have happened sooner but with Alastair and Singer in charge... There was really nothing I could do. I'm sorry I couldn't have helped, and I'm sorry I never did anything earlier. It was selfish of me."  
"Adam quit your goodbye mumbo jumbo. I'll be back in 24 hours. We don't even know if this is permanent. I mean you read it... I tried... I... That whole... Situation... Whoever makes the final decision might not let me leave because I tried to kill myself all those years ago."  
He pulls away from me and places his palms on my cheeks, "I don't know if you will get out because of this program. I don't know if you will get out now or in ten years. But I do know, you are not going to die in this place okay?"  
I nod.  
He hugs me one last time and walks me back to my room to gather my things. I don't have much so it doesn't take us long.  
"Do you want to go say goodbye to Garth? He's eating supper right now..." Adam asks.  
"No I'll see him in a day I'm just ready to go."  
Castiel is waiting at the front desk, a messenger bag hanging awkwardly off one shoulder, holding messy files and paperwork in one arm and his car keys in his free hand.  
"I'll see you then..." Adam says.  
I really am bad with goodbyes. Well I'm really bad at talking to people in general. It's why I didn't want to say goodbye to Garth and have been trying to keep it extremely brief with Adam.  
"Yeah I'll see you," I try to smile but I'm so nervous I might puke. I pull my duffle bag closer to my chest and tell myself I'll be fine. I walk over to Castiel and he looks at me with the most reassuring look the guy can give. I can feel myself shaking.  
"It's going to be okay Dean. I'm gunna be with you the whole time."  
It's not helping.  
"We're gunna do some cool shit..." He whispers.  
I laugh but I'm still nervous.  
He grabs my hand and the butterflies melt away. "Okay... Okay." I whisper, mostly to myself. I look down at our hands and he stars to walk to the doors.  
I can see the sun setting over the mountains.  
Oh boy...  
Everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N  
> Sorry for the short chapter. Hopefully there will be another one up by tomorrow. With me, I don't even know. Don't give up on this please.  
> -Dream On by Aerosmith

**Author's Note:**

> A.N.  
> So... Jesus Christ, this took me way too long to write. If you did happen to stumble across this creation of mine, constructive feedback is appreciated and wanted, and I would love you to death if you shared it with your fellow Destiel shipping friends. :^)  
> I honestly don't know what else to say, other than to ask if anyone knows if the proper term is sneaked or snuck? I looked it up, and apparently sneaked is an actual word? Anyway, thanks for reading!  
> Ten Years Gone - Led Zeppelin


End file.
